Wednesdays are UFO (UnFinished Objects) Days
When we bought our crown molding a number of years ago, we didn’t anticipate that it would be something that we would one day be trying to get rid of. All house projects are born in hope, right? A desire to beautify? But we never got around to installing our crown molding because, at some point, we came to terms with just how lousy we are at house projects. We stored the crown molding in our basement and tried to forget about it.
Which was fine, until we needed to have a new furnace installed. Mike, the man who came to install our furnace, noticed our stack of crown molding right away. “Hey!” Mike said, “Last Saturday, my wife and I bought some crown molding. I got it all installed on Sunday! Looks great! My wife loves it!” Tom and I looked at each other. It was like someone bragging about their honor student when your own kid is a delinquent. On the bright side, the furnace installation went smoothly.
But then, a few years later, the furnace stopped working. We called the plumbing place, which was a large company, and they said they’d send someone out the next day to have a look. Tom stayed home from work and waited for the furnace repairman. That afternoon, I got a call.
“The furnace is working,” Tom told me.
“Great!”
“You know who they sent?”
“Who?”
“Mike.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. And he remembered our crown molding. He was surprised that we still haven’t installed it. Because installing crown molding is so easy.”
Long pause. “Well, easy for some people maybe.”
Fast forward to Friday evening, when I suggested to Tom that Saturday’s neighborhood sale might be the ideal opportunity to sell our crown molding. Since crown molding doesn’t have enormous curbside appeal, we decided that we needed to find a few more things to sell. So, we rounded up a few books, a few CDs, and some PVC pipe. Also, I found a jar of paste that I was willing to part with.
We had everything set up at 8:30 a.m. We sat with our stuff, dreaming our capitalist dreams, and gradually learned that we did not have the right stuff. People would pull up in their cars, look out their windows at our crown molding, and drive away. At 12:30 I could feel myself reaching a snapping point. It might have had something to do with watching an episode of “Hoarders” last week, where people were practically buried in their stuff. Anyway, for whatever deep psychological reasons, I felt like shrieking “Here! Take my crown molding! Take my jar of paste! Just take it! TAKE IT!”
But…we still have it. No one wants it. They don’t want to buy it. They don’t want it for free. It’s so sad. I dread the winter. What if our furnace breaks down? What if Mike comes back? This is my worst UFO ever.